Catching up with Caitlin --- Journeying Through Discernment
Wednesday, October 30, 2024
October 2024
Monday, September 30, 2024
September 2024
Before I started seminary, I was interested in doing an internship at a Continuing Care Retirement Community (CCRC) like Good Samaritan in Denton. I thought I'd do Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) at a CCRC and loved that UPSem had a relationship with a CCRC where I could do CPE. This was one of the pros in the UPSem column of my seminary research. I couldn't wait to go to UPSem and do CPE at a CCRC.
Well, even the best laid plans and ideas sometimes don't work out! Grace Presbytery's Committee on Preparation for Ministry (CPM) suggested that I do CPE in a hospital where I could experience the full range of life. I took their suggestion (and am so glad that I did!) and did CPE at VCU's hospital, as y'all already know. So I'd completed my church internship, my CPE internship, and then had a dream to do a "for fun" internship at a CCRC. I wasn't sure how this would happen or when I'd do this "for fun" internship. But I still had this dream.
Thanks to a connection from a member of my church internship site, I connected with the Director of Spiritual Care at a local CCRC. The Director was about to retire but said he'd connect me with his successor. The new Director of Spiritual Care reached out to me in June 2024. I explained that I'd be doing CPE over the summer and that I'd love to meet with her in August. We met in August, I expressed interest in preaching at the CCRC's weekly Vespers service, and of volunteering. After our meeting, I was offered a monthly pulpit supply gig in addition to a Chaplaincy Internship at this CCRC. Wow!
Since the moment I felt called to attend seminary, I've had detailed ideas and plans. This summer and fall are a reminder to me of how God is present in my life and in all our lives. Plans are good. I love plans. AND...God's plan is not always my plan. God's plan isn't always our plan.
I need this reminder!
In addition to interning and preaching monthly at the CCRC this school year, I'll also work as a PRN Chaplain at VCU's hospital. I'm thrilled to practice spiritual care in two different settings and to flex my preaching and worship planning muscles, too. I'm grateful for these opportunities and the ways that God continues to work through me. I'm also thankful for the many folks in my life who serve as connections, mentors, supporters, challengers, and encouragers.
God's plan is not always my plan.
Here are some photos from September:
Saturday, August 31, 2024
August 2024
Wednesday, July 24, 2024
July 2024
Where to even begin?!
Do I begin with the ways I've felt God working within me? How I've seen God in patients? How I've witnessed God's Spirit at work in the trauma bay and in patient rooms? Or perhaps I begin with how I've gotten to know myself more deeply through the CPE class? Or how I've seen hospital staff show up for patients in beautiful ways? Maybe I could begin with naming the simultaneous anxiety, joy, and pain I feel after long hours in a Level I Trauma hospital?
I could begin in a number of ways, but the way I'll choose to begin is by naming the privilege I've been given to be in this space, at this time, and in this place; for the gift it is to be present alongside folks during the most vulnerable, traumatic, difficult, and sometimes euphoric moments of their lives.
When I tell people about CPE and the stories of the last 7 weeks, I emphasize my biggest learning so far. Every moment we're on this Earth is a gift and I want to remind myself of that as often as possible. At the hospital we see people who, just a few hours ago, were doing a mundane thing like cooking, barbecuing, boiling water, driving, walking home from work, etc. Then within an instant, their life goes from "normal" to unimaginable. At first this made me fear everything. But then our CPE Educator challenged me to think about my theology of suffering. Where is God in our suffering? What does suffering say about God? I reflected on this for a while. I'm still marinating on this. But what I've concluded so far is that while I don't understand suffering, I do understand that God is always present with us. This was a "lightbulb moment" for me that began to shift everything. God is present with us. God is alongside us.
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As a Spiritual Care provider/Chaplain, I'm still identifying how I view our role but this is what I think about the job so far:
- We ensure that folks know that they are not alone.
- We support folks with identifying what grounds and connects them. This is the work of Spiritual Care, I think. For some, this looks like offering prayer. For others, it looks like being present in silence. The work of Spiritual Care is unique to each person and situation.
- We consistently reminds staff, patients, and families that we are here for them. When I walk up to someone in the trauma bay right before they're taken to get a CT scan, I bend down and look into their eyes (they normally have a neck collar on so in order for them to see me, I need to get close to their head). I say something like this (which I've made my own after shadowing other Chaplains) "I'm Caitlin, I'm a member of the Spiritual Care Team. I imagine this isn't where you expected to be tonight! I just want you to know that we're here for you. We're here for you."
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I don't know about you, but I find deep connection and power in knowing that someone is alongside me, that someone is there for me. As Chaplains/Spiritual Care Providers, we have a responsibility to show up and be alongside folks. That work never ends. And we can't do that work unless we care for ourselves. That part right there --- the one about caring for myself --- that's one of my takeaways from this summer -- when I was assigned to the NICU, I panicked. All I could think about was what I would get wrong, what I would say that wasn't helpful, and what I would do when I didn't know what to do. I was nervous about this for all parts of the hospital, but especially in the NICU where we're working with families and newborn babies. What I've learned, though, is that while there are "wrong" things that I can say, there isn't one "right" thing to say. There's a gray area. And y'all, I don't love gray areas! But what a life lesson this is for me. We can't always get it right. But we can show up. We can show up authentically, compassionately, thoughtfully, and intentionally. And often that's all that people need from the Spiritual Care Providers/Chaplains.
God shows up for us. God works in mysterious ways. And like my colleague, Basem, likes to say, God has our backs. God isn't looking for us to do the one "right" thing. God just wants us to be with people in their joy, their grief, their disbelief, their lament, in all the ways, because God meets us in all those places. So this is part of my growth in CPE.
As my Spiritual Director stated a few weeks ago, I'm cultivating my spiritual rhythm. And that spiritual rhythm is where I enable myself to feel God's Spirit working through me. My spiritual rhythm is where I invite myself to feel God's presence --- to feel God in the midst of every moment, in every place, and most especially in those gray areas where I seem to call on God the most these days. When I open myself to God's presence, I notice where and how God shows up for me and how God shows up for everyone in the hospital.
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Peace and blessings to each of you. And for my St. Andrew family, I'm excited to see y'all at the end of August when I am the guest preacher 💗
Monday, June 17, 2024
June 2024
Monday, June 17th at 7:30am - Today marks the start of week 3 of my CPE internship. CPE stands for Clinical Pastoral Education and is a training program that prepares theological students (or other folks who feel called to chaplaincy) for providing spiritual care. Spiritual care is similar to pastoral care except that it is more expansive; spiritual care empowers chaplains and patients to recall what spirituality means to them, what brings them hope, peace, joy, and meaning. Of course my faith and my beliefs are rooted in my PCUSA, Christian theology, and that informs how I provide spiritual. But as a chaplain in a public setting, I provide spiritual care to/for/with people across the spirituality spectrum. My CPE preceptor's (which seems to be the medical-setting word for "supervisor") goal for CPE interns is that we discern what "spirituality" means to us. My preceptor believes that by knowing what "spirituality" means to us, we'll be able to serve with and alongside anyone --- to help them uncover and unpack what spirituality looks like for them.
Often, CPE is conducted in healthcare settings like hospitals, which is where my CPE program takes place. Over 10 weeks, I will complete 300 clinical hours (in the hospital), attend 12 hours of class per week, and read and write quite a bit as I complete homework for two classes. At my CPE program, we are assigned a unit where we will spend 220 out of our 300 hours over the summer. My assigned unit is the Neonatology ICU (NICU) and the Birther-Infant unit, which is for both people who are on bedrest before giving birth and for postpartum care. For the other 80 clinical hours, I will be on duty (which is like being on-call except it's 12 hour shifts at the hospital where you are awake and actively working) throughout the entire hospital. At VCU Health, my CPE site, the Spiritual Care Team (chaplains) responds to all traumas (we're a Trauma Level 1 hospital), all deaths, all code blues, and are available 24/7 by request. We engage in spiritual care with patients, families, and all hospital staff.
For my St. Andrew Presbyterian family, you'll probably find this fact about my CPE program to be the neatest of all --- Every day at CPE, I work alongside Elizabeth Smith-Bartlett, who grew up at St. Andrew Presbyterian Church. Elizabeth is not my preceptor so I don't spend a ton of time with her, but I see her almost daily. It's a joy to have a connection to St. Andrew and to work alongside someone who knows my home church so well. Just last week Elizabeth and I had lunch and I asked if I could adopt her as a Mentor. What a gift!
The time is 8:00am so I am headed to class at the College of Health Professions, which is just a 10 minute walk from the hospital. We have class on Mondays and Wednesdays and do clinicals on Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, and weekends. I have more to say about where I've seen God at the hospital (which is everywhere!) and all that I've already learned. So I'll work on another blog post soon.
For now, let this be your reminder that you are beloved. CPE is teaching me a ton. One thing that keeps coming up is the reminder that each day on this Earth is a gift from God. Thank y'all for the unconditional love and support. I appreciate your prayers always, but especially for me during this emotionally, mentally, and physically intense summer of my CPE internship, and for all the folks at the hospital.
Blessings,
Caitlin
Thursday, May 9, 2024
May 2024 - South Africa Part III
Photos and reflections from the second half of our trip:
Day 6
Day 7
The "welcome" sign at St. George's Cathedral in Cape Town.
Day 8
Wednesday, May 8, 2024
May 2024 - South Africa Part II - God's Creation
This post is about God's creation, specifically the land and the earth. The South Africa travel seminar has enabled me to see a whole different part of God's creation. I've found myself reflecting and making connections about God's creation.
"The earth is the Lord’s and everything in it, the world and its inhabitants too."
Psalm 24:1 from the Common English Bible
In April 2024, St. Andrew Presbyterian Church hosted Dr. Nancy Stockdale, Associate Professor at the University of North Texas, for a lecture about Palestinian culture and identity. I was lucky enough to attend the lecture in-person and learned about the history of Palestinian people and about Palestinians in our modern world. One of my main takeaways from the lecture was the importance of land. As people who have been displaced for generations, Palestinians have a strong connection with creation. Olive trees and other plants are vital to families' histories and livelihoods. For the last 7 months, an ecocide (click here to learn more about ecocide) has been enacted on Palestinian land. Olive trees and indigenous plants that have been in families for hundreds of years are now destroyed. The Palestinian people have been on my heart and mind this week especially because of the many ways that Palestinians and South Africans relate to each other. Before this week, I had not though of South Africa's apartheid and the genocide in Palestine as being such strong points of solidarity for the Palestinian and South African peoples. So as I reflect on the lecture from Dr. Stockdale, my time learning in South Africa, and the importance of land to Palestinian peoples, I see the direct connection to Psalm 24:1.
"The earth is the Lord's and everything in it, the world and its inhabitants, too."
The connection to Psalm 24:1 resurfaced for me when our travel seminar group visited the District 6 Museum last week. In my previous blog post, I wrote a bit about District 6, but this is just a reminder that District 6 is one of the hundreds of neighborhoods in South Africa where people were forcibly removed from their homes during apartheid. At the District 6 Museum, we had a guided tour led by a woman named Faranaaz whose family was forcibly removed from their home when she was a teenager. Faranaaz began the tour by telling us the history of South Africa's Western Cape/Cape Point (which is the southwestern-most point of Africa). The Khoi people are the indigenous people to South Africa. They lived between the mountains and the ocean. The Khoi people used waterfalls/water passages in the mountains for drinking, cooking, etc. When the first colonizers stopped at Cape Point as their "pit stop" on a long journey, the Khoi people shared their drinking water with them. The Khoi people lived off the land and they passed this tradition to their descendants. The people who lived in District 6 had a connection to the land from their Khoi ancestors. So when the residents of District 6 were forcibly removed from their homes to places behind the mountains and away from the water, they lost this connection to their ancestors. Faranaaz said her family always felt connected to the mountains and the ocean and then suddenly, they lost that direct connection.
"The earth is the Lord's and everything in it, the world and its inhabitants, too."
Earlier this week we had the privilege to watch a 45min documentary about housing inequalities in South Africa. We learned about a resident of Langa, which is the Black township we visited last week, who has an organization in his neighborhood. The organization is mainly an art gallery but it also has a community garden and a tree-planting ministry. The founder of the organization emphasized the importance for all people to live in places with green spaces and trees. Green space, trees, and gardens improve the quality of life for people physically, mentally, and emotionally. The poorest areas of Cape Town do not have trees or green spaces; I think this is the same for urban areas in the USA, too. There is a noticeable difference between the number of trees in wealthier areas of cities than in poorer areas of cities and often this difference falls along the lines of race.
"The earth is the Lord's and everything in it, the world and its inhabitants, too."
We're taking a class this week with students at the University of Stellenbosch and it's about contemporary confessions. We are learning about the Barmen Declaration, The Belhar Confession, The Accra Confession, and the Kairos Document. The Accra Confession of 2004 is focused on the tension between economy and ecology. It's based on the theological conviction that economic and ecological injustices require the Reformed family to respond as a matter of faith in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Our professor, Dr. Mahokoto, emphasizes that climate change threatens the environment, disrupts communities, and destroys livelihoods. Thus, climate change impacts the economy and vice versa. Wendell Berry describes the connection between ecology and economy this way: "Whether we and our politicians know it or not, Nature is party to all our deals and decisions and she has more votes, a longer memory, and a sterner sense of justice than we do." As God's people who are part of God's creation, we are called and required to treat God's creation with justice and respect.
"The earth is the Lord's and everything in it, the world and its inhabitants, too."
The land of the Palestinian peoples is the Lord's. As Christians, we're called and required to treat the Palestinian people and their land justly and respectfully.
The land of the Khoi people and the land of the residents of District 6 is the Lord's. As Christians, we're called and required to treat the land of District 6, the land of the Khoi people, and the people of District 6 (and all areas of the world) justly and respectfully.
The land of Langa is the Lord's. As Christians, we're called and required to treat the land in Langa with justice and respect.
"The earth is the Lord's and everything in it, the world and its inhabitants, too."
Friends, I'm not exactly sure what my next steps are in relation to ecology, our earth, and our land. I don't have all the answers for what I can do next. But I plan to continue learning, praying, and finding ways to embody God's love and justice --- with people and with our whole earth. If there's one thing I've learned this week (beyond the original confession of the church, which is "Jesus is Lord"), it's that confessions serve not just as a a response to a particular crisis but as our beliefs that we are called and required to embody through our actions, not just our words.
With Love and Gratitude,
Caitlin
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