Hosea, the Holy Spirit, and the Genuine

This semester, I am taking Old Testament II, History of Christianity II, Spirit in the World, Social Justice & the Care of Souls, and a 1 credit hour course called Intersecting Faith and Academic Journeys. The Holy Spirit has been on my heart and mind for the last few weeks as we study the Protestant Reformation, Jesuit missions across the world, and who and how folks describe and believe in the Holy Spirit. 

A couple of weeks ago, the focus of Old Testament class was the book of Hosea, specifically examining Hosea from a feminist and womanist (the term "womanism" was coined by Alice Walker in 1982. A womanist is a Black feminist or feminist of color. Click here to learn about UPSEM's Center for Womanist Leadership) critique. The first time that I closely engaged with the book of Hosea was during my Women in the Biblical World class last fall; we studied Gomer, the wife of Hosea. So, the feminist critique of Hosea did not come as a surprise to me. But, the historical context and intense language of the "marriage metaphor" struck me again and again. We had a tough week of learning about Hosea; the abusive language, the violence, the voicelessness of Gomer, the assumptions about Gomer, and the intensity of the metaphor left us feeling upset and raw. There was an opportunity to write my exegesis paper on Hosea so that I could learn more. But, there was no way I was doing that. I wanted to run as far away from Hosea as I could!

So, I continued to gather notes for the exegesis I already started for Amos. I tried to put Hosea in my rearview mirror. But, I kept feeling a tug, a push, a pull. I told my friend, Kaylyn, about the feelings I was having. We concurred that it was the Holy Spirit who was pushing me. But, I had so many reasons for why I needed to ignore the Holy Spirit. Logistically, I could not shift so late in the game. Timing wise, I had already started gathering resources and writing my translation for Amos. Emotionally, it would be too difficult. The reasons kept coming! Then, Kaylyn stopped me and asked how many hours I had spent preparing for Amos (she knew it was probably less than an hour). Before I could even respond, Kaylyn said, "Caitlin, I think you should listen to that tug. I think you might be able to create something beautiful out of this if you listen to the Holy Spirit."

My brain and my body tried to ignore the Holy Spirit, but the Holy Spirit cannot be ignored. The Holy Spirit was guiding, challenging, and pushing me. As Howard Thurman puts it in his commencement speech titled The Sound of the Genuine,

"So the burden of what I have to say to you is, “What is your name— who are you—and can you find a way to hear the sound of the genuine in yourself?” There are so many noises going on inside of you, so many echoes of all sorts, so many internalizing of the rumble and the traffic, the confusions, the disorders by which your environment is peopled that I wonder if you can get still enough—not quiet enough—still enough to hear rumbling up from your unique and essential idiom the sound of the genuine in you. I don’t know if you can. But this is your assignment." Rev. Dr. Howard Thurman

Thurman describes the Genuine as being within each one of us. I have been thinking about the Genuine that is inside of me and how I think that She (the Hebrew word for "spirit," רוּחַ, is a feminine word so it is often translated with feminine pronouns) is the Holy Spirit within me. It's easy to try to ignore the Spirit, to push the Spirit aside because we don't have time for the Spirit to change our plans, and to not believe that the Spirit really is here with us --- within each of us. The last couple of weeks have shown me that the Genuine is within me and when I take time to slow down, to be still, to really listen and feel, I am able to connect with the Holy Spirit. 

Kaylyn was correct. I submitted my exegesis paper this morning and writing the paper was cathartic and empowering. I hope to share my takeaways with y'all one day.

For now, I want to thank you all for following along and supporting me on this journey of discernment and seminary. Please be in touch with me if you'd like to chat, want to learn more about what I am learning, or if you would like to be added or included in my prayer list. I hope you are able to listen for the "sound of the genuine" in yourselves. Know that the Holy Spirit is always alongside you, too. Peace be with each of you. 

Caitlin

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P.S. 

So much of seminary is reading! And often, the readings are wonderful! Sometimes we listen to podcasts and watch videos, too. I thought it would be fun to share some of the most meaningful pieces with you all (the ones that are readily available online, anyway). Check them out below:

• Union Presbyterian Seminary @ Richmond's Chapel in honor of the start of Black History Month: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCZVtFf23jY --- the Holy Spirit was THERE! It was an incredibly beautiful service of music and prayer.

• A blog post/sermon about Gomer and her translation of Hosea from a favorite theologian and preacher of mine, Rev. Dr. Wil Gafney. She is a professor at Brite Divinity at TCU! https://www.wilgafney.com/2018/09/24/when-gomer-looks-more-like-god/

• Rev. Dr. Howard Thurman's "The Sound of the Genuine" https://www.uindy.edu/eip/files/reflection4.pdf

• This is a wonderful Youtube video/podcast about Thurman's commencement speech and the journey to understanding the Genuine within ourselves. It was a fascinating and inspiring listen. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGKn0ov7jEY

Waiting: Fogginess and Anticipation

The following Advent Candle reading is from The Christmas Love Feast worship service at Ginter Park Presbyterian Church in Richmond, VA. The reading uses words from. Rev. Drs. Wilda Gafney and Howard Thurman as well as the Iona Community.

"We are waiting. We are waiting in the dark. We are waiting in the holy darkness. We are waiting in the womb of God. Between this advent and the next, we wait. (Gafney)

In the stillness of the quiet, if we listen, we can hear the whisper of the heart giving strength to weakness, courage to fear, hope to despair. (Thurman)

God of the waiting ones, the watching ones, the slow and suffering ones, the angels in heaven, the child.

As we light these candles, we pray that you will give us your blessing, your good word for our souls. May we rest and rise in the kindness of your company." (The Iona Community)

Advent is a season of hope, joy, love, and peace. This season invites and encourages us to be patient, to sit in discomfort or silence, and to prepare for the Christ child. As a child, Advent was the time of year when Lucy would teach me how to make my own Advent wreath and when the whole sanctuary turned purple and green (purple for the liturgical time and green for the greenery and Christmas tree). In recent years, Advent was a time of anticipation, hope, and anxiousness as the pandemic changed my plans, and yours probably too, almost daily. This year, Advent has been marked by final papers, a final exam, contracting COVID-19, and missing many events for which I was excited. Yet even in a season of illness, sadness, and stress, God has been calling me and reminding me to wait --- to be patient, to listen closely, to rest well, and to embrace the darkness.

Dr. Lemma, a Hebrew scholar and wonderful teacher and colleague of mine, shares with his students that "fogginess is the dawn of clarity." Fogginess comes in all shapes and forms; we face unique challenges and have varied circumstances. For some of us, the Advent season is difficult as we grieve the loss of loved ones and worry about what the new year will bring. For others of us, the Advent season is a reminder of the gifts we have been given and it pushes us to find peace and ways to spread that peace. For some, the Advent season is the challenge to be patient, to wait, to contemplate, and to meditate. However you are feeling this Advent season, I hope that you are able to find glimmers of joy, moments of peace, people to love and who love you, and time to hope. We are in this waiting time together and as Dr. Lemma reminded me often, "fogginess is the dawn of clarity." This Advent season might be foggy but my prayer is for clarity for each of you as we approach Christmas.

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Peace be with each of you this holiday season. Finals ended last week, my Winter Break to-do list is long, and I have taken a nap and watched a Christmas movie almost daily since Break began! I am working on scholarship applications for SY23-24, starting to review Presbytery forms about becoming a Candidate, and am going to create a Bible Content Exam study schedule to begin in the Spring. I am excited for our family vacation out West but am sad to miss seeing my St. Andrew family this Christmas. Thank you for your continued prayers, support, and encouragement.

Warmly,

Caitlin

Routine & Spirituality

If you arrive to UPSEM's campus early enough, you'll see a man, a neighbor of ours, practicing Chinese martial arts on the front steps of the library. On the few days that I make it to the library before it opens, I enjoy sitting outside and reading or walking around the quad. During this time, I have enjoyed watching our neighbor engage in his practice. 

On a brisk morning in September, as I was sitting on a bench reading, I observed our neighbor in his practice. Then, I witnessed a group of 8-10 young men walking across UPSEM's campus, directly across from our neighbor. When the young men were exactly in front of him (but across the quad), they put their backpacks on the ground, counted to 3, and then all bowed with praying hands towards our neighbor. I was not sure what happened and our neighbor saw that I was curious. He explained to me that he calls these young men "his boys." Once a week this group of young men has a Bible study and then walks to school together via UPSEM's campus quad. Since the young men and our neighbor see each other weekly, they have formed a relationship with each other. Our neighbor taught the young men about the practice of Chinese martial arts and invited them to engage with him in a ritual of bowing to each other. Our neighbor and the young men are strangers; they encounter each other on the seminary campus, they do not know much of anything about the other, the young men attend a Christian school nearby, our neighbor engages in his practice daily, presumably they too are neighbors but they only see each other briefly, once per week. Yet they are in relationship with each other and with their practices, their routines, their spiritual rituals. There is a profound connection.

I don't know about you, but I love a routine! Typically, I thrive with schedules and routines. I have routines that I know help me sleep better, feel more alive, and be more connected to those I love. But sometimes, I choose not to engage those routines. Sometimes I feel too tired or too busy to engage in my routines, the very practices that help me feel most connected to myself, to others, and to God. It's easy for me to forget the power of routine, especially when it comes to my spirituality. I study or am in class 8+ hours per weekday and a few hours per day on the weekends. I attend chapel on campus each Wednesday. I do my best to attend church virtually or in-person on Sundays (last week I went to a new church for a jazz service, which was very neat!). Sometimes I am so caught up in sticking to my routine or upset about not enacting it that I do not make space and time room for spiritual practices and rituals. 

The story of our neighbor and the young men reminds me of the importance of my connectedness to others, my being in relationship with God, and my spiritual growth and formation. Perhaps this story still strikes me because I am in the midst of studying Deuteronomy, which includes law codes and also includes instructions for how to listen and how to love. Or perhaps it is because when we studied Leviticus a few weeks ago, I learned about the opportunity for Christianity to be in an interreligious dialogue with Judaism about the book of Leviticus, which Christians have often marginalized and misused. Likely, the story still strikes me because of a mix all of these reasons.

As I start the week (a week that will be busier than the last but not as busy as the following!), I plan to refocus on the power of routines or rituals, the importance of spiritual engagement, and the ways that God calls me to be in relationship with others and with God. God is a God of abundant grace. As I continue to study the Old Testament, history of Christianity, and women in the Bible, I hold my church, family, friends, neighbors, and strangers closely and in my prayers.

Peace be with each of you.

Caitlin

UPSEM's campus (looking towards where the group of young men bowed in praying hands and I was standing right in front of the library when I took this photo)

September 16, 2022

Welcome!

I started my first blog, Conversations with Caitlin About Life, Faith, and Unpaid Internships, over 10 years ago. I blogged about my internship with the Presbytery in Barranquilla, Colombia, so that my home Presbytery could follow along with my journey. I wrote at least a few times a week and enjoyed sharing about life in Barranquilla with friends and congregants in Ohio. When I returned home and went back to college, I kept the blog up and running and blogged during various internships that I held. Eventually, I started my life as an adult in Washington DC and made a couple of posts about my first two jobs there (around 5 years ago!). 

Now, I've found myself with much to share, especially with my St. Andrew Presbyterian Church community, who is generously supporting, encouraging, and praying for me as I discern my call to ministry. My other church families might also be interested in following along on my journey since they are very much a part of my call to ministry, too (FPC Mt. Sterling, FPC Troy, Calvary Baptist, and other churches, congregations, and organizations who continue to support and encourage me). With all of you all in mind and because of my love for story-telling and connecting, I am launching Catching up with Caitlin to share about my journey of discernment...the twists, turns, jumps, fears, trials, treasures, gifts, and more.

I am writing this at 7am on my final day of orientation. This summer, my routine has been all over the place due to the Hebrew intensive class that I was engaging in. Many mornings, I woke up at 7am and studied for an hour before getting ready for class. Other mornings, I woke up at 7am, worked out or ran, and then studied vocabulary or read chapters for the day for 20 minutes or so. Regardless of how I have spent my mornings, 7am is my routine wake-up call and sometimes it's even earlier if there are many items on my to-do list. I have found that having a long morning routine helps set the tone for my day. When I walk to campus each morning, I am able to say reflect on where I have seen God at work, say prayers, and find ways to be more deeply connected with God.

Somehow, 8 weeks have passed since moving to Richmond, which was the same day that my Hebrew class started! In 8 weeks, I've covered a lot of ground!

• I've learned over 500 Hebrew vocabulary words.
• I've aced 6 quests (quiz/exam) and our final exam.
• I've taken 10 vocabulary quizzes.
• Charles and I have hiked at a few local parks.
• We've built community with folks who I now consider to be close friends.
• I've studied Hebrew for an average of 10hrs/day for 5 days/week.
• I've hosted "pool study days" for classmates on Wednesday afternoons.
• We've visited wedding venues and settled on one for our intimate wedding in 2023. Since getting married in a church is a priority, we will get married at Union Presbyterian Seminary's (UPSEM) chapel, which will be really neat!
• We've made it through Charles getting COVID-19 and me having to do class online for just 1 day.
• We've visited 3 different PC(USA) churches so far. 
• I've read 2 incredible books (for fun!) when I've needed intentional "non-Hebrew" time.
• I've made new friends from 4 different countries and served as the unofficial "welcoming committee" for our new international students. What a joy and a privilege this continues to be!
• I've had the privilege to learn my first ancient language. I've had a professor who brought deep meaning and intention to the layers of grammar we learned. I've engaged in thought-provoking conversations about the importance of interpretation of scripture. I have been challenged and educated in an incredible way. I have learned that if I learn the vowels, life studying Hebrew will be a whole lot easier! As our professor shared with us time and time again, context is everything, both historical context and the context in which we are serving and living now. She also challenged us to "acknowledge the privilege and responsibility we now have to serve the world...to seek justice...and to serve the Lord." through our knowledge of Hebrew. 

As I continue to reflect on the last 8 weeks, I am humbled, exhausted, and incredibly grateful. My classmates are friends who will become colleagues and with whom I know I will stay connected for the rest of my life. Some of my fears about entering seminary have been assuaged (although that fear of failure and not knowing enough is still very much present). I have seen God at work in my friends, our pastoral professors, and in our community.

Today's the last day of orientation. After orientation ends today, I am babysitting. Then, I am doing my second job of driving some of our international students to the grocery store (I have two jobs but am working just a total of 10-12 hours/week). Then, I will come home, decompress, and rest. I'll spend this weekend trying to engage in intentional rest. But, I'll also do some assigned readings and start a paper (who knew that there are assignments before class even begins?!). This Fall, I'll be taking Old Testament, Women in the Biblical World, History of Christianity, and a Theological Journeys + Theological Research class. I am eager to continue this journey of seminary and of discernment and I am almost ready to start studying again!

Thank you for your continued prayers and support. St. Andrew's encouragement, financial support, the gift of having Julie as my liaison, and your prayers are helping make my journey of discernment possible. I am deeply grateful for the St. Andrew community. Please reach out if you'd like to talk more. I also hope to lead a Theology on Draft session at some point and maybe even collaborate on a Lenten or Advent study sometime, too! My goal is to post on this blog at least once a month and I am excited to keep you all abreast as to my studies, learnings, and the things I am doing.

Much love and many blessings.

Warmly,

Caitlin